Dearest Older Sister:
I miss you every day. Your suicide made my life a much different place. No one could help you. We tried. We tried so very hard. But the doctors just threw drugs at you. Downers? For a depressive? Holy shit. Wrong. So wrong.
You were the best and the brightest of our family. Funny? Hell yes. Caustic? Man, you could make a grown man cry. Smart? So fucking smart. I recall when I was starting to read Proust how you gave me an encapsulated view of him. I wet my pants laughing. You were too good for this world. And the world just hurt you. Time and time again.
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you my dear. I wish I could have. I still pick up the phone to call you every now and then. I’ve read something or seen something… and I think… Katie would love this.
You’re still here. You’re still here in my heart. And you always will be. Always.
Save a life. If you can.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKxnJ5iyC-w
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
An E-mail to a good friend
I actually left the house of my own accord. Alone. A little frightened. But I just girded my loins and did it. I went to see Carol J. at Il Covo. She's been getting hate PMs from her soon to be event there. I wasn't down with that. I wanted her to know I still loved her and had nothing to do with that nonesense. I'm getting a little sick of the hatred on Yelp. She doesn't deserve to be treated that way. And I would NEVER suggest that anyone treat her that way.
As I was leaving, fella was just getting home from work. The look on his face was priceless. He was SO fucking pleased to see me doing something. He was beaming! He said, "What the fuck is up?". I said, "I'm going to go see Carol at her place." He asked me if i wanted him to come too. I said I was ok. I don't think I've seen him quite so happy in a long time. He was really pleased. He asked me about three times if I was sure I was up to it. And I insisted I was.
So I let three buses pass me by. I was seriously considering just going back home. And suddenly... I got mad. Why the fuck am I hiding? Why am I letting this hold me down? Why? And the answer came.... because you allow it. If there ever was a moment when the sun broke through the clouds and angels sang? This was my moment. It was beautiful. I felt myself suddenly rise up. Pride. Pure pride. And no fear. Just this moment of total understanding of how bad this has been. And how I just couldn't let it continue.
I got on the next bus. I was nervous. I felt unsteady. Honestly, I thought about getting off the bus and just going back home several times. But the voice in my head wouldn't allow it. I KNEW I had to go. I had to take my life back. Even if it was just by degrees.
Every stop was a baby step for me. The bus driver told me I looked good. Asked if I was going on a date. That helped. I told him I hadn't been out of the house on my own in a couple of months. He said, "Honey, a woman like you should be out all the time." Heh. Black men. Gotta love 'em.
I got off near her place. I stood outside and smoked a cig. And then... I walked into her place. She fed and watered me. We talked. The owner of her building came in. A young man. About your age. We started talking about stuff. I told him about my mad poker skillz. (I'm an excellent reader of tells). I told him what his tell was. He was impressed. Turns out they have a monthly poker game upstairs. And he invited me to the game. !!!
Max is back. Maybe only a little bit. But she's here. She's here. And she's alive. And she's glad to be. And you know what else? Fuck them. Fuck the haters. I'm more powerful than any of that shit. I'm not going to let this rule my life. I'm not. I will choose my own fate. No one chooses it for me.
I've been in the deepest, darkest place I've ever known. I actually considered death a few times. I don't think I knew how bad this really was. It was like watching a movie. And I was in it.
But not anymore. So... I'm here. I'm here. And god damn it. I'm glad to be here. I'm going to take my time to notice how beautiful life can be. How flowering trees make me happy. How the smell of spring makes me feel alive. How walking with a strong and steady gate makes me feel powerful. And how places like Yelp mean nothing in the long run. I'm all I really have.
And losing myself was killing me. But not anymore. I'm a fighter. I'm a fucking boxer in the 12th round. Broken, bleeding... but still punching. It's going to take more than that place to put me down for the count. I might be on the ropes. But I'm not finished. No one knocks me down.
So... I'm done with you Jeremy. I'll continue to call you a cunt. But I'm checking out of your heart break hotel. Do what you wish. And I'll do the same.
I'm guessing I have a far better life than you do. I have people who love me. Who understand me. And who are able to forgive me when I fail. You are nothing. Less than nothing. Power is a woman. It's true. Power is a woman who disallows you to disrespect her. So chew on that.
And on this. My Dad was a boxer. I have some pretty fierce ways of protecting myself from evil men. It ain't gonna happen again. Never again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHqNhZXtM_c&feature=related
Max
As I was leaving, fella was just getting home from work. The look on his face was priceless. He was SO fucking pleased to see me doing something. He was beaming! He said, "What the fuck is up?". I said, "I'm going to go see Carol at her place." He asked me if i wanted him to come too. I said I was ok. I don't think I've seen him quite so happy in a long time. He was really pleased. He asked me about three times if I was sure I was up to it. And I insisted I was.
So I let three buses pass me by. I was seriously considering just going back home. And suddenly... I got mad. Why the fuck am I hiding? Why am I letting this hold me down? Why? And the answer came.... because you allow it. If there ever was a moment when the sun broke through the clouds and angels sang? This was my moment. It was beautiful. I felt myself suddenly rise up. Pride. Pure pride. And no fear. Just this moment of total understanding of how bad this has been. And how I just couldn't let it continue.
I got on the next bus. I was nervous. I felt unsteady. Honestly, I thought about getting off the bus and just going back home several times. But the voice in my head wouldn't allow it. I KNEW I had to go. I had to take my life back. Even if it was just by degrees.
Every stop was a baby step for me. The bus driver told me I looked good. Asked if I was going on a date. That helped. I told him I hadn't been out of the house on my own in a couple of months. He said, "Honey, a woman like you should be out all the time." Heh. Black men. Gotta love 'em.
I got off near her place. I stood outside and smoked a cig. And then... I walked into her place. She fed and watered me. We talked. The owner of her building came in. A young man. About your age. We started talking about stuff. I told him about my mad poker skillz. (I'm an excellent reader of tells). I told him what his tell was. He was impressed. Turns out they have a monthly poker game upstairs. And he invited me to the game. !!!
Max is back. Maybe only a little bit. But she's here. She's here. And she's alive. And she's glad to be. And you know what else? Fuck them. Fuck the haters. I'm more powerful than any of that shit. I'm not going to let this rule my life. I'm not. I will choose my own fate. No one chooses it for me.
I've been in the deepest, darkest place I've ever known. I actually considered death a few times. I don't think I knew how bad this really was. It was like watching a movie. And I was in it.
But not anymore. So... I'm here. I'm here. And god damn it. I'm glad to be here. I'm going to take my time to notice how beautiful life can be. How flowering trees make me happy. How the smell of spring makes me feel alive. How walking with a strong and steady gate makes me feel powerful. And how places like Yelp mean nothing in the long run. I'm all I really have.
And losing myself was killing me. But not anymore. I'm a fighter. I'm a fucking boxer in the 12th round. Broken, bleeding... but still punching. It's going to take more than that place to put me down for the count. I might be on the ropes. But I'm not finished. No one knocks me down.
So... I'm done with you Jeremy. I'll continue to call you a cunt. But I'm checking out of your heart break hotel. Do what you wish. And I'll do the same.
I'm guessing I have a far better life than you do. I have people who love me. Who understand me. And who are able to forgive me when I fail. You are nothing. Less than nothing. Power is a woman. It's true. Power is a woman who disallows you to disrespect her. So chew on that.
And on this. My Dad was a boxer. I have some pretty fierce ways of protecting myself from evil men. It ain't gonna happen again. Never again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHqNhZXtM_c&feature=related
Max
Monday, May 5, 2008
Ann Sather’s - Another lost review remembered
I just read a four star review for Ann Sather’s. This will not stand. Annie, you old bitch, you’re going down.
Years ago, and I do mean years ago, this was one of the greatest places to get a good meal for a really decent price. Everything delicious. Now… nope.
Perhaps it was the move they made into a former funeral parlor. (More refrigeration?) Perhaps it was the new ownership. Or that he became an alderman and no longer was “hands on” regarding the restaurant.
Last time I was here the waiter brought the soup AFTER the meal. The meal that sucked.
So if you come here, don’t say I didn’t warn you. The only reason to come in is to grab a box of their cinnamon rolls, pay for them and slowly back away. Get out the door and run like hell. Consider yourself lucky.
Evening JS. How are they hanging? Do you have them? Hmmm. Probably not. Only a balless wonder would keep someone’s work and decide they don’t need to answer them regarding said work. You sir, both suck and blow.
Affectionately,
Max Power B. (The B stands for bitch)
Years ago, and I do mean years ago, this was one of the greatest places to get a good meal for a really decent price. Everything delicious. Now… nope.
Perhaps it was the move they made into a former funeral parlor. (More refrigeration?) Perhaps it was the new ownership. Or that he became an alderman and no longer was “hands on” regarding the restaurant.
Last time I was here the waiter brought the soup AFTER the meal. The meal that sucked.
So if you come here, don’t say I didn’t warn you. The only reason to come in is to grab a box of their cinnamon rolls, pay for them and slowly back away. Get out the door and run like hell. Consider yourself lucky.
Evening JS. How are they hanging? Do you have them? Hmmm. Probably not. Only a balless wonder would keep someone’s work and decide they don’t need to answer them regarding said work. You sir, both suck and blow.
Affectionately,
Max Power B. (The B stands for bitch)
Question Mark Heads and Meanies
Another phenomena on Yelp. A question mark head is someone who either does not know how to post a picture or chooses not to so they can attack someone on line. It’s pretty strange. And not just a little disturbing. Sociopath? Anyone?
It is a violation of TOS. As it should be. But it seems to happen more and more lately. So I have a few things I would like to say about this.
Firstly, I ain’t never going back to my old school. Not in the guise of a question mark head or otherwise. Truly. You all bore me. I don’t want to read about barking dogs or your Brazilian wax or how fat you are and how you’re losing weight through the miracle of the slow cooker. Yipes. Get a life? Indeed. Please do.
Secondly, to the littler pisher who is attacking a young woman on the boards? Knock it the fuck off. It’s unattractive and really… it isn’t necessary. Grow up. I’ll fight my own battles thank you very much.
And last, but certainly not least… Let us behave with some decorum. There’s a reason for rules of order in this world.
So play nice, if you can. If you can’t, get help. Snarky is one thing. Full mode attack is an entirely different matter. Just… don’t.
And now for a little human kindness. Overflowing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y03IOB-e6g
And how ya doing Jerry? You really take the cake. Like a fat girl on a cupcake you are. Give me back my shit. And we’re done you anal applicator.
It’s all I want. Hours and hours of work. Not yours. Not yours my dear.
XXOO
Maxie Power
It is a violation of TOS. As it should be. But it seems to happen more and more lately. So I have a few things I would like to say about this.
Firstly, I ain’t never going back to my old school. Not in the guise of a question mark head or otherwise. Truly. You all bore me. I don’t want to read about barking dogs or your Brazilian wax or how fat you are and how you’re losing weight through the miracle of the slow cooker. Yipes. Get a life? Indeed. Please do.
Secondly, to the littler pisher who is attacking a young woman on the boards? Knock it the fuck off. It’s unattractive and really… it isn’t necessary. Grow up. I’ll fight my own battles thank you very much.
And last, but certainly not least… Let us behave with some decorum. There’s a reason for rules of order in this world.
So play nice, if you can. If you can’t, get help. Snarky is one thing. Full mode attack is an entirely different matter. Just… don’t.
And now for a little human kindness. Overflowing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y03IOB-e6g
And how ya doing Jerry? You really take the cake. Like a fat girl on a cupcake you are. Give me back my shit. And we’re done you anal applicator.
It’s all I want. Hours and hours of work. Not yours. Not yours my dear.
XXOO
Maxie Power
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Death Cab for Cutie - "I'll follow you into the dark"
Big fan of the singer-songwriters. Here's one that's meaningful. To me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfBw0IWwO5U
Hey Jerry. Gonna die alone? Cold and empty. With lots of money? But no love? Well, you got that going for you...
Maxie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfBw0IWwO5U
Hey Jerry. Gonna die alone? Cold and empty. With lots of money? But no love? Well, you got that going for you...
Maxie
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Kissing - A Review (A new one)
Fella stayed home from work today. He's been concerned about me. He said the other night that I was crying in my sleep. True. I had no idea. I was wondering why I was waking up with puffy eyes and a puffy face. Thought I was eating too much salt.
So during the day we took to our bed. He spent almost an hour just kissing me. My mouth, my face, my eyes, my fingers, my neck, my back. Other places. So sweet. So dear. So relaxing. So exciting. So soothing. So needed.
It was like taking a trip to another planet. The one where you're free. Where you don't feel pain. Where you don't feel sadness or anger. Just pure pleasure. And it was a trip I needed to take.
Yes, J. I'm still angry. And rightfully so. But you can kiss it. Kiss it good. May I have my hard work back?
Max
Thursday, May 1, 2008
My Review of The Blue Man Group
I don’t want to be mean. But I think Jesus had more fun on the cross than I did at this abortion of a show.
End of review.
How goes it sweet boy J? Ready to return my work? Once again, do so, and we’re done. I’ll even consider taking this blog down before I hit a few people where they live. Verbally, that is. So consider this… you dirty diaper. I’m going to start getting mad soon. You won’t like me when I’m mad. I’m not nice. Not at all.
End of review.
How goes it sweet boy J? Ready to return my work? Once again, do so, and we’re done. I’ll even consider taking this blog down before I hit a few people where they live. Verbally, that is. So consider this… you dirty diaper. I’m going to start getting mad soon. You won’t like me when I’m mad. I’m not nice. Not at all.
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