For my very first boyfreind. Who died today.

We all knew it was coming. Not a big surprise. Sadly, cancer is never a big surprise. But when your wife, Anna, called to say you had ended your life your own way? Oh man. What a man you were. You didn't take anything from anyone. Ever. And you made your cancer your bitch. God damn you. You knew it. You just knew it. You made a move. No one ever owned you.

I recall the first time we talked. I was a geeky, nerdy goof ball. My face was always in a book. I wasn't well liked. I tended to say what I meant. Still not a big crowd pleaser. We were sitting in a huge row of grass and fields outside where the football guys practiced. We discussed philosophy. I was reading Plato at that point. And you asked me, "Does anything really mean anything?" And I knew we were soul mates. And you topped it off with perhaps one of the best things anyone ever said to me. Ever. "I don't care what anyone says. I like you." Heh. The seal of approval.

Eric. I remember. I can still taste you on my lips. You were the first man to make me feel like a woman. And I thank you for that my darling. And we stayed friends for so many years. You disapproved of my husband. And you know what? You were right. It wasn't a good fit. It lasted.
But it was hard.

You were my child's godfather. How you loved her. I still feel so much for your adoration of her. As if she was yours. And when you finally became a father? How wonderful you were. I remember a little thing. Your son didn't like getting water in his eyes. And you said, "Shake it off!"And showed him to just wipe his eyes and move on. I know it's small. But it's actually so big. You didn't want him to sweat the small stuff. What a fine man.

So. To you. My dear old friend. I raise a glass. And I toast you. Every good thing comes to an end. Sad but true. But you made a choice. And forever will I admire, adore, love, worship and have more faith in people from just knowing you. You made my childhood a better place my dear. I love you. And I always will. You're not gone. You're still here. I like to think that one wonderful day - you, Nina, our parents, our departed freinds and lovers will sit down to a dinner. And we'll tell old stories. And new ones. And it'll be a fucking blast.

RIP Eric. And if you remember, and I bet you do. We saw Buckley at Metro. And we were both profoundly moved by this. Goodnight dear man. I do so very much hope we meet again. Forever and a day my love. Forever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AratTMGrHaQ