Let's Praise Beauty - Not Bullshit

Chicago Yelp has been a hotbed of utterly stupid activity lately. A few friends have kept me up-to-date. Frankly, you all deserve each other. Most of you.

So let's move on to something lovely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltQB4keI_uQ&feature=related

I walked without help for the last several days

You cannot imagine how great that is for me. It's so liberating to be free of needing help. I walked for over an hour and a half yesterday. I needed a nap afterwards, but it was still so great. It's odd the things you never understand until they're gone. And how much you appreciate them when they're back.

My most recent encounter with doctors was okay. But I would strongly suggest to anyone that thinks their policy covers all... look again. Some policies limit you. And you end up lacking in what you may need. Just sayin'.

Anyway. Here I am. A little battered and bruised. But here I am. And I continue to be here. That's more important than anything. I may not be 100% here. But godamn it, I'm here. And to those who doubt, well, you've got a big surprise coming.

Don't give up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYetnUxmMPw&feature=related

I posted this before but the video was taken down.

I want to talk about dying. It's not as horrible as one thinks. You have your moments when you're scared and pissed off about it. But there are moments of total beauty. The last few weeks have left me with a feeling of peace. Good kind friends. A man that loves me. A cat that adores me. I'm happy. I'm not sad.

Of course, I'm not so pleased with this. But in all regards, this isn't an awful thing. And nothing is written in stone. Is it?

One way or the other, it's good. So good. So don't worry about me. Honestly. I'm in one of the best places of my life right now. I love it. It's a ride like no other. And it's fun. I get love and life. I get it now. It's beautiful. This is a wonderful thing. There's nothing like it.

Sorry. Wrong song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4_ghOG9JQM&NR=1

I love John Lennon so much

To the people who have done just this for me. You know who you are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEOkxRLzBf0

Butterflies and kindness

The last few days I've had some awesome experiences. Butterflies are landing on me. And often following me down the street. Some have different takes on it. But I think it's a sign of transformation. And I'm down with that. I've always thought the idea of god is just a primal thing. Ugga shoka. But the idea of becoming more than what we are? It's good.

Now. On to the kindness point. I'm having some trouble walking. And I refuse to use a walker. I'm 47 for the love of all. So yesterday a man saw I was having problems and walked me to the corner store, then home. Carlos. Bless him. Today a woman walking her dog saw it too. She tried to help but the dog was troublesome. So a lovely, lovely woman named Margaret took over. She not only walked me home but gave me faith. Made me feel like it isn't so bad. I invited a total stranger into my home. That was a moment.

My point is, be kind. Be true. Don't hate. Imagine a world where all of us do that for each other.

And Lennon got it right. A world without hate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEOkxRLzBf0

Things aren't going very well

I'm sorry to tell you that I may not be here much longer. But to all my good friends, bless you. You held me up when I was down. You gave me hope. You gave me courage. And to those who were not my friends? I forgive you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLHq7rgHOLk

Sorry

Back in the hospital again. Difficult to write. But I'll be back.

My two favorite versions of the best song ever

Leonard Cohen is a god. If there is one, he is one.

Damien Rice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaHdeNN_ee0&feature=rec-fresh


Jeff Buckley:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AratTMGrHaQ

For my friend Lisa on her birthday

When I think of the kindness, the patience, the forgiveness, the ability to try and understand me - despite what a difficult old bitch I can be - I know there is still reason to be here. You're godamn proof of it lady. You reached out and touched me. Made me laugh. Let me cry. Let me be. Allowed me my foibles and faults. And you've helped me. You didn't have to. You just did.

It's hard for me to tell you how deeply I feel about the things you've done for me. I'm not so good at that. So I'm going to let Joan Baez say it for me.

Your husband is lucky. Your children are lucky. And anyone who knows you is just as lucky as could be. And I'm honored to know you. Happy birthday my dear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=favgoOn-U1I&feature=related

Super Secret TOSd People? Adieu.

I got invited to a "Super Secret Society of those whom Yelp TOSd out on their asses". What a thrill, what a joy, what an honor, what a bunch of utter bullshit.

While, as on any internet social network, there a few interesting people, most of them had the collective mental age of about 13, at best. People who actually think replying with the word "queef" to a thread, mind you - only the word "queef" - is the height of sophistication. How cutting edge, how pithy, how hep, how urbane... how pitiable.

You may think you're some kind of "Algonquin Round Table", but your just sitting at the children's table hoping for approval and attention. Ah. Dorothy Parker lives and breaths. Not.

And for a site that so hates Yelp? You seem to have no idea that you basically ARE Yelp. But in diapers. So suck on the bottle babies. Nurse your wounds or your tit of choice. But to you, I say, fuck off and die.

Solipsistic idiots are easy to find. Why would I want to be a member of that club?

Love,

Max

Panorama of Barack in Berlin

Cool stuff.

http://www.panoramas.dk/2008/flash/Barack-Obama-berlin.html

Sometimes... Sometimes Pure Beauty Helps

I think this is beautiful.

Coming out of dark places and seeing light is a wonderful thing. I have discovered many things in my travels through this strange place we call life. Faith is something I don't think I'll ever understand. But I certainly respect it. When it's for real. And when one acts in the manner they suggest others do, I'm fine with that.

So please enjoy this in the spirit it is brought to you with. It's about love. It's about faith. But more than all, it's about truth as you view it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDV7AHrYsB4&feature=related

You only get what you give

It's true. Don't give up. Words I say to myself several times a day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91WgM6dNLTE

It's allright

I haven't been posting for many reasons. Once again things brought me back to places I don't want to go to. I can't stand to read the news. But how does one avoid it? So much horror. So much terror. And why? And why does it pain me so much? I have no idea. It just does. The ugly side of this world makes me want to leave it. But I'm not going.

This whole blog started because I was so angry. Being disrespected by Yelp seemed to be cathartic to me. It wasn't Yelp. It was the world. A world where when someone speaks truth, they are silenced. A world where wrongs are so very rarely righted. A world where when a woman dares to speak... she is made to shut the fuck up.

For some time I thought it wasn't a world I wanted to live in. And yet... What would the world be without me? I am either a force or I am a weakness. You have to walk the walk if you want to talk the talk.

This world... this world. How we put one foot in front of the other seems hard to me. But there is still beauty. Beauty through pain, perhaps. Think of Vincent. Think of all we've lost to pain. Think of how our life force moves others. If I have given anyone joy? Then perhaps my purpose has been met. And it's a beautiful day. And living is a gift. And I am going to try my best to embrace it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUS49XSN6Zs

Still Crazy After All These Years

I had to run out for a few things. And I decided to stop into my favorite used bookstore. And a man coughs behind me. I look at him. It's instant. We must have looked cartoon like. He says, "Barbara!" I say, "Jones!" We hug and kiss.

We try and catch up. But a bookstore is no place to do that. So went to a little french place I like. We enjoyed ourselves. Crepes and conversation. He was surprised to see I'm no longer drinking. I used to be a party girl. But all good and bad things must come to an end.

But here's the kicker... He has a daughter. And he named her after me. I had been feeling low. But this gave me something. Can't name it. I can only embrace it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46bkXgxb66E

On the Cover of the Rolling Stone

Go Obama. Go.....

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/25/obama-on-the-cover-of-rol_n_109094.html

This Man Brings me Joy

Where is Matt? Everywhere!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bNF_P281Uu4&feature=user


http://youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY

Hope you love these as much as I do.

Max

The funeral and the eulogy for my good friend.

Firstly let me say that I’m so happy that they didn’t serve him up like an oyster on the half-shell. Because viewing the dead seems barbaric to me. I would prefer to remember someone alive. And happy. Not with that pale mask of death and the blush on.

His wife approached the podium and thanked everyone for attending. Then she told the story of meeting me for the very first time. Which I recall. My ex and I owned some property up near the Wisconsin Dells and we had invited them for the weekend. I wanted to get a look at the girl he was going to marry. She said she was scared shitless of me. That she had always assumed that men gauged all their relationships with women on their relationships with their Mothers. But not Eric. His belief in women revolved around me. This, I did not know. And it was touching.

So she added that I greeted her warmly and gave her a hug. And that I then whispered in her ear, “If you ever hurt my boy? I will hunt you down like a dog and kill you.” The room exploded in laughter. And since the marriage lasted over twenty years? My words must have meant a little something. And then it was my turn.

Like walking the green mile. I hate public speaking. But this was for him. So Barbara just left and let Max take over. I had some notes. I walked, slowly, to the podium and greeted his friends and family. I said “Good Afternoon friends and family of Eric. Anna, thanks for the nice introduction. (Then a nice long pause.) But enough about Eric. SUCH an attention whore. Let's talk about something that really matters. Let's talk about me.” A zinger always helps. “No. Seriously. He has to up and die? And then has the nerve to put me in this position?! Damn. And now I have to picture you all in your underwear? Holy crap! Some of you are old as shit! It isn't pretty people!” Roars. Even his very straight laced mother was in hysterics.

“As many of you are aware, I was Eric’s first girlfriend. Except for that time in Boy Scout camp. But I promised him I would never mention that. So shhhh. I first met him when I was 15 years old. He was a year ahead of me in high school. I thought he was dreamy. He didn't even notice me. Bastard. Then one day I was sitting a field outside of the school reading Plato. And he approached me. He saw what I was reading and said, "Wow. That's some heavy shit." I asked him if he had read it. He said no. But he thought philosophy was kind of pointless. I asked him why he thought that. He said, "Does anything really mean anything." And I was hooked. He also went on to add, after we spoke for a while, perhaps the best thing anything has ever said to me in my entire life. He said, "You know, I don't care what anyone says, I like you." Kismet, I tells ya.”

“We became very good friends. We dated. But there was always an understanding between us that our friendship precluded romance. And I appreciated that. I truly did. It was such a safe place to be.

We dated on and off for several years. But the times I recall him best are when we were both caddies at the private country club in LF. They would give the caddies an hour of play before the golfers got there. I improved my game just by watching him. By the end of the summer I was under 100. Thanks to him. The patience he showed was magnificent. Even after I accidentally hit him in the face with a nine iron. As he was wiping the blood off his lip he said, "Fore!" Now that’s a pro.”

“My Dad actually liked him. Which was most unusual. He hated the boys that came after me. Took me years to realize the reason why. Dad was a young man once. He knew. But he knew Eric was different. He knew Eric was a stand up guy. He even once said to me, “That kid is okay.” Trust me when I tell you that was about the highest praise my Dad ever offered up to a boy he knew was probably trying to make me. Really. He even drank with him a few times. Taught him about scotch. And the relationship was mutual. Eric respected my father. And admired him. And when my Dad died, Eric was inconsolable. I remember calling him to say it was finally over. And he just burst into tears. A man that can cry like that? Does it really get any better? Does it? I don’t think so.”

“When my Dad’s memorial took place and the six bagpipers (yes – I know) played “Amazing Grace”, Eric was the very first person to explode with tears. And his tears brought mine on. And god damn if I didn’t need that to finally happen. His allowing his feelings to flow allowed mine to. Poor Dad had been gone for two months and I hadn’t cried. Not once. But Eric gave me the gift of feeling my grief. And he did that more than once for me.”

“Eric was the godfather to my only child, Nina. And no child ever had a better friend. I remember how she once said to me, “Uncle Eric plays too rough!” He hugged her too tight. He loved her too much. He thought she was the most perfect child on the planet. And told me so. Many times. It was as though she was his own. He even changed poopy diapers when he was around! And when Nina lost her battle with sickness, oh. There are no words for the pain we mutually shared. And yet through that pain, there was the joy of having the privilege of knowing her and loving her. And one year later Josh was born. Josh, your father was perhaps the best man I ever knew. I watched him raise you. You were everything to him. When your Dad first got sick? His very first words to me were, “What about Josh?” I told him you would be fine. And you are. You’re your father’s image. If you ever need anything? Anything at all. I’m here for you. “

“And Anna. Sweet girl. You have the gift of Eric in your son. And your soul. I would have loved to dance at your 50th anniversary. But the gifts he gave all of us will remain right here. I know he loved he you. He was one picky mother fucker.”

“And in closing, I would like to say that I imagine a day when we all enjoy a banquet of good food, good drink, good conversation and great story telling. I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in heaven. But I believe that our souls meet again. And again. And to meet Eric’s soul again will be the sweetest moment ever. I thank you.”

And Max got a standing ‘O’.

George Carlin Died.

Love him or hate him. He was brilliant.

http://www.news4jax.com/entertainmenttonight/16681434/detail.html