“ANNOYANCE #1
You don't pick up after yourself at our place.
Actually, we really don't mind if you're a little messy. An empty beer bottle here or dirty T-shirt there--no problem. But when we start seeing pieces of you (literally) all over the place, we tend to go off. Like when we find your hairs all over our bar of Dove, or toenail clippings on the nightstand, or a pile of chewed-out sunflower-seed shells on the counter. Please clean that up before we see it and want to gag. And then we'll promise to be better about leaving globs of our hair in your shower drain. Do we have a deal?”
Beg your pardon my darlin’, but there are worse things in this world than toe nail clipplings (on the nightstand, really? What a charmer.) or hair on soap. And, once again, speak the fuck up. Are you a mute? Unable to write? Say what you want. You’ll probably get it. And if you leave the dirty tampon in the wastebasket? All bets are off baby. Polite is as polite does.
“ANNOYANCE #2
You ask how much our new haircut or handbag costs...
…yet conveniently don't mention your sportsbook.com account or the $200 you lost on the NCAA parlay. Until we're sharing a bank account with you, we're not all that interested in your opinions on how we should or should not spend our money. And if we are sharing a bank account, here's something you should know: Reminding us when we're in the throes of post-retail bliss that we just blew all our disposable income for the month is not going to endear you to us. The perfect boyfriend response: "Wow, [fierce/sexy/hot] new [haircut/handbag/lingerie item]. I guess dinner is on me tonight!" Then wait a few days to bring up your financial concerns, by proposing we both start saving for something we want to buy together.”
Lady, did someone cut your tounge out? Four words to live by: “None of your business.” If your money is your own, he has no right. But I would guess you told all your girlfriends just how much your purse, your haircut, your lingerie cost. It’s called hypocrite. You may want to look it up. It’s in the dictionary. Under your name.
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1 comment:
The smartest thing any couple can do, married or not, straight or not, is to maintain separate accounts. Partners should share bills according to their income and ability, with each person responsible for particular recurring expenses. But as long as each is responsible (monthly shopping bills greater than monthly income or gambling debts is NOT responsible) with their money, what they indulge in is their business.
Fighting over a joint checking account and who forgot to record the last check is n way to have a relationship.
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