Don’t you just hate vegetarians? I know I sure do. (Actually, I don't) On and on and on they blather about their diets. Their bowels. How great they feel. And it never ends until you just want to find a gun and blow your fucking brains out.
Well listen up. Because I’ve got a little secret to share with you. Come closer. It’s called Johnnies. It’s a beef stand in Elmwood Park. And if you’ll follow my CIA-like tactics, your vegetarian friend may be on the road to recovery, quickly.
Take them to Johnnies on a Friday when they serve pepper and egg sandwiches. And if your friend doesn’t eat eggs? You really should think about getting a new friend. Really.
So let them get their smug little sandwich. And you order an Italian beef. Wet. Hot and sweet (that’s the nomenclature for a dipped into gravy, served with sweet peppers and hot gardinerra). Get some fries too. And an Italian ice.
Now eat the beef sandwich while your friend watches you. Go to town. Totally “nom nom nom” it up. Make lots of yummy noises. Make noises you normally reserve for only your lover to hear. And if your lover doesn’t make you make those sort of noises? You really need a new lover. Really.
Talk about your weapons of ass destruction. I have converted several vegetarians with this sneaky trick. You may thank me later.
Well listen up. Because I’ve got a little secret to share with you. Come closer. It’s called Johnnies. It’s a beef stand in Elmwood Park. And if you’ll follow my CIA-like tactics, your vegetarian friend may be on the road to recovery, quickly.
Take them to Johnnies on a Friday when they serve pepper and egg sandwiches. And if your friend doesn’t eat eggs? You really should think about getting a new friend. Really.
So let them get their smug little sandwich. And you order an Italian beef. Wet. Hot and sweet (that’s the nomenclature for a dipped into gravy, served with sweet peppers and hot gardinerra). Get some fries too. And an Italian ice.
Now eat the beef sandwich while your friend watches you. Go to town. Totally “nom nom nom” it up. Make lots of yummy noises. Make noises you normally reserve for only your lover to hear. And if your lover doesn’t make you make those sort of noises? You really need a new lover. Really.
Talk about your weapons of ass destruction. I have converted several vegetarians with this sneaky trick. You may thank me later.
Damn fine evening J. When do you intend to return my intellectual property? You slime trail.
2 comments:
Hate vegetarians? Of course not. The taste fine. Perhaps a little leaner than others.
No. They're tasty. But not as tasty as a pork chop.
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