The Yelping Yelpers of Yelp (Part One of a Series)

A nature documentary. Brought to you by PB-Max. Soft music. Ummm, soft focus, yes definitely soft focus (some yelpers are scary).

Soft, British accented, well-modulated, nature announcers voice: We’re here tonight at the natural habitat of the yelping yelpers. It is a bar. It is a bar that serves dinkey bites of stuffed stuff with stuff stuff sauce. Like most natural creatures, there are two kinds of yelpers: the elite and the non-elite. And like most higher and lower order of a species - there are many ways to spot the differences. Come, let’s examine them a little more closely. But do be careful, some bite. And some just plain stink.

Oh! There’s an elite now! Notice the haughty, self-important attitude. She seems to think getting free wine and snacks is the best thing that ever happened. Did we mention that several yelpers aren’t too bright?

Yes, I do believe she has spotted her prey. It’s a single male yelper (or so she thinks – ya never know, do ya?).

They have been doing the mating dance called PMing for some time now. And many compliments have been sent. Many “you’re hot” compliments floating through cyber space and making each other swoon with white hot yelpsion. An odd courtship? Indeed.

As she approaches her prey, she flips her hair. This is known as, yelpreening. It’s the second part of courtship. Let’s watch. She switches her hips as she comes closer. This is known as, “getting yelpy” with it. She joins him in meaningless conversation. The ardor grows. The hormones flow. Ladies and gentlemen? I do believe he’s getting up to go. This is the third part of this mating dance. He says goodbye to all his friends. Yes. Wait for it… She gets up to go! The courtship is successful. They always leave separately.

We will now give them their privacy. Because you really don't need to see that. There are two rhinos mating on the Nature Chanel, go over there. Trust me. It'll be better then this shit. Really. You’ll wanna gouge your eyes out. So… don’t… even. But needles to say, it’s as most mating is. She presents and he mounts. This is known as, “making yelp-yelp”. Sadly, some yelpers only get to “make yelp-yelp” a few times a year.

Part II: the phenomenon called “Flagging”.

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Jeremy, you blowjob, give me my work back.